It could happen to you...

Long ago, I was a chat room junkie. I have since recovered, but during my junkie-dom, I noticed one phenomenon over and over: Newbie Infatuation. I even fell prey to it myself.

It usually begins when an otherwise normal person gains internet access for the first time. They think, “Well, I better go find out what this chat business is all about” and login to a Yahoo or, more likely, AOL chat room. Though this phenomenon is most prevalent in chat rooms, it is also rampant in online games and message boards.

After a day or a week, the Newbie will run into someone who is the most charming, attractive person they’ve ever met. Of course they haven’t actually met them. Therein lies the hook. This person portrays themselves, intentionally or not, to be the best possible version of who they are. An hour spent chatting quickly turns to eight. Hours on the internet turn to hours on the phone (long distance, of course). All of this generally happens within the first month of the initial online meeting. Most Newbie Infatuations don’t make it to The “RL” Meeting stage. Mine didn’t. The ones that do usually end in tragedy.

I know of a few Newbie Infatuations that did make it to The “RL” Meeting. Here is a particularly horrifying one, which happened to an acquaintance of mine recently. In this case, he didn’t actually make it to the meeting, but not for lack of trying. Had I known the details beforehand, I would have begged him not to go.

Witness:

He lives in Delaware, she in Georgia. She says she’s a model (Victoria’s Secret model no less) and he believes her. She sends him a picture of herself in a red bikini. The picture, I notice when he shows it to me, is obviously from a brand new wallet. (I don’t learn the Victoria’s Secret part until it is too late.) I say to him “Are you sure this is her?” He is sure, even though she doesn’t send anymore pictures to him. She wouldn’t lie to him! It’s not her fault! The modeling agency, apparently, only allows her to show that ONE picture to people. This makes no sense to me, but somehow it makes sense to him. They spend hours online and on the phone, saying “I love you.” He takes the money he was saving to buy a car and instead buys a bus ticket to see her.

Hours spent on a bus: 8
Nights spent in the bus station: 1
Nights spent in a hotel: 3
Actual meetings with red-bikini-wearing Victoria’s Secret model: 0

When he finally gave up, accepted the fact that she stood him up, he was heartbroken and humiliated. He did not come back home. He, instead, moved to Texas. Yes, Texas. I am not making this up. I can’t help but wonder if she even lived in Georgia. She had the gall to actually try to speak to him afterwards. She tried to say she got called away to work. What a bitch.